trail of thoughts

imagine loving someone.
someone you intended on spending your life with.
one fine day, he calls you three things.
liar, promise-breaker, sadist.
you cry like crap.
in your state of mind.
suddenly someone offers you love with no strings attached.
do you accept?
or do you be true to your heart?
but when those 3 words shot at you,
you knew that you two could never be together.
for it means, he doesn't trust you.
was going with someone who loves you
but you don't feel that strongly for him a right choice?
i know it was a big mistake when i woke up this morning.
from my daily rest, i woke up after a nightmare.
having a funny sense in my heart.
a tight sensation, something's missing.
i know what was missing.
but is it alright to trade your happiness with a chance to bring someone closer to God?
is it ok to trade your happiness for someone to get healed?
as much as i want to love who i love,
it's impossible to do so anymore.
the feeling of your heart literally cracking, breaking, shattering just like that.
he let me go,
i got his blessings to find my true happiness to experience true love.
i know from this, he respects me, he loves me.
but it will be very selfish to go to someone for shelter, refuge and love.
i need to talk to you. but i fear.
i need to sort things out with myself.
i only have 12 hours for the new year is coming.

a bunch of rubbish

things to do in preparation of jc life:
1. buy new shoes - dark blue, black or white :(
2. get new socks - white
3. adjust the length of my skirt - knee length =P
4. go buy stationery - pen, paper blah blah
(that's about it!!)

haha.. this is splendid.. i start sewing my skirt today!! (:
at least i have something to do now?
i think i should be going out later..
and i should be setting up a new blog.
new year's eve is gonna be really boring again.
just like christmas. life makes happy people sad.
the once overly cheerful girl in mgs, suddenly finds no meaning in all these happy occasions anymore.
christmas used to be a "let's count down for christmas day!!" event..
new year used to be the best!! "climbing on roofs with my bro trying to look out for fireworks!!"
all those days are gone. all because people say "sarah, you've grown up down, dun climb up and down roofs like a little monkey!" but i want to! it's fun. though dangerous. but fun.
haii.. whyy?
my childhood is gone! haha. i guess it was gone a long time ago!
but heyy.. there's always a child in everyone of us!! (: face it!!
haha.. pjc let's me go horseback riding!! now i feel like staying there.. haii.. horse back riding!!! (:
okie lah. i shan't talk anymore rubbish..
so tata.. ciao.. byeee!! (:

when the rain comes

when the rain comes
it seems that everyone has gone away
when the night falls
you wonder if you shouldn't find someplace
to run and hide
escape the pain
but hiding's such a lonely thing to do

i can't stop the rain
from falling down on you again
i can't stop the rain
but i will hold you 'til it goes away

when the rain comes
you blame it on the things thatyou have done
when the storm fades
you know that rain must fallon everyone
rest awhile
it'll be alright
no one loves you like I do

when the rain comes i will hold you

can you tell me about love?

if i didn't already have so many blogspot accounts i would start another one..
a private one that only some may have access to it..
but i guess i can't handle to many blogs at one time
since i already can't handle my little puny life..
maybe an absolute change in the whole account?
template and all?
but you'll all kill me for making you change your links..
and i love this template.. i dun wanna change it!
it's like my radio! haha..

i spent some time talking to my friends on the topic of love last night.
haha.. i have enough information to write a book specially for myself.
i asked "can you tell me everything about love?"

dennis says:
it's a feeling which matures to become something which drives you
it's something which involves you giving up yourself
the more you love - the more of yourself you give up as wellit’s sacrificial
biblical aspect - it's your command to love. to love God and to love those arnd you
to love them would then also mean to give up yourself to them
in service - to those arnd you
and by being honest and everything
friends - you love your friends more coz you give more of yourself to them
and you often find that the more you give up yourself for someone, the relationship, if reciprocated, often gets deeper
and sometimes you get a bgr
but in all, you love when you give yourself up
it hurts coz sometims others don't appreciate what you have given up of yourself
to not love would be to cave inwards and be this selfcentred freak
walls will be built arnd you and cold and lonely you'll just pass without being known abt
it's a feeling, but the feeling shouldn't drive you
it's your purpose
why would you want to give yourself up to a certain person?
just remember that you cannot not love. but when you love, it means giving up yourself and that's the part you can choose. usually the more you give up, the more you get back but the greater the risks are as well. it's your choice. then again, people will love you. will you appreciate them giving themselves up for you?
and if you show them that you appreciate them, you usually get your satisfaction there and then
coz it has to be reciprocated
it's not a one way thingeverytime someone gives up themselves for someone else and it's not appreciated, the person will feel hurt

yewei says:
it means to be mature enough to give
give wad?
happiness?
loving someone is like always thinking FOR that person not just thinking bout him/her
like b4 doin anything .. u wld tink whether that action or sentence is goin to hurt him/her or the other way ard

*note* the purple is me.. the blue and green are dennis and yewei respectively.
thanks you two!! i understand it more.. (:
it was around 12midnight to 1am in the morning and they bothered to talk to me.
thank youuu!

happy penny dayy

ok..
it's another meaningless day for me at home again
but thank goodness penny is coming over later..
to cheer me up i hope..
to try to put a smile on my face
it's 2.43pm and im not hungry at all..
ive lost all my appetite and it's so hard to fall asleep.
i sure hope the end of the world is coming.
i won't have to suffer and all..
the signs are here..
every christmas.. something happens.
a natural disaster.. and now.. there's even widespread diseases due to rotting bodies?
when will the river waters turn to blood?
im so tired of living.
so tired of myself.



i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself.



I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

i wanna drown. i wanna scream. i wanna jump. i wanna scream. i wanna die.. arghhh

to my babyy

to you>> not a very long time ago..
we met at the most unexpected place.
it sorta felt weird.. and it didn't start with love.
as time went by.. i understood.
what i felt. how i feel.
about myself. about you. about an "us".
i was looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you.
but i made a stupid mistake.
one irreversible one.
one deep mistake.
sometimes i feel my life is very ironic.
i want to love yet i end up hurting others.
it's too much to bear.
just a while ago..
when you walked away from me..
from my childish, baby-temper..
i understood it all..
you need a lot more patience to deal with a burden like me.
i don't want to be a burden
but it's just the way i am.
in need of love, someone to care, a lot of patience. support.
there are reasons why i said what i said.
reasons which is hard to explain. but i never meant a thing i said.
im sorry for hurting you..
for sending a dagger through your fragile heart.
the heart that i promise id take care of.. but i fail.
your delicate heart broke under my torturous care.
im sorry with all my heart. i really am.
i didn't lie to you about anything.
i was honest with you through this time..
but your words cut so deep and the pain was felt like an open wound.
you said you'd trust me.
but you never could.. one who makes mistakes
one hundred. one thousand. one million mistakes.
i asked for too much.
i asked for you.
i don't deserve you.
i don't deserve your love, your care, your heart.
i will always love you. no matter where you are.
im very sorry for the things i've done.
as much as i want you back.
as much as i want to hold you again..
as much as i want to try to love you with all i am
it's not possible.
it's like they say "dream on"
i'll keep on dreaming..
it's no wonder why dreams seldom come true..
why would an angel fall for someone like me?

help. yesterday!!

oh. help. me!!!!
this has got to be the most meaningless day of my whole holiday!!
yesterday was christmas and so i slept late..
i woke up at around 10.45am like that
and got off the bed at around 11am..
see that's like already half my day gone or something like that.
then i was starving and my grandad ate up all my roti prata (my brunch actually)
so i had to call and wait for mommie to come back from her outing with my lunch
haha.. i had yummy yummy laksa which was too spicy..
but it was really good! so i ate and ate.. and stopped only after the first tear drop fell.
so yes.. and guess what i did after i ate?
I WENT TO SLEEP AGAIN!!
and i just woke up.. it's like ahhhhh.
i slept for about 2½ hours.. and lied on it for 1 hour before that listening to the radio!
so in total for today.. the grand total number of hours i spent on my bed is...
*drumroll* 13½ hours!! that's more than half a day!
sometimes i just hate myself. help.
fine.. i shall tell you what happened yesterday during christmas!!
in point form.

yesterday!!
+ woke up at 8am and took a cabbie down for church at 9.30am
+ tried looking for brenda choo but there was a problem with singtel.
+ penny and i walked around the place and almost died of exhaustion
+ went back to get a sit
+ continued calling brenda.
+ finally she called and penny and i ran out to get her
+ when penny ran out, the doors closed
+ they were stuck outside for a while
+ managed to get in.
+ CHRISTMAS SERVICE WAS GREEEEEEEAAAAAAAT
+ went for lunchie at pizza hut
+ talked about primary school days
+ took a cabbie home
+ lied on my bed for 5 mins..
+ went out for family gathering again
+ looked after my fav. cousin!!
+ played with him for a long time
+ went home at around. 11.30pm?

"merry" christmas?

i was hoping that this christmas would be different.
hoping to have someone to cross over from christmas eve to christmas day with me..
but it didnt' happen..
i sat by the television. alone.
watching all the joy and cheers that christmas brought all around the world but here.
constantly looking to my phone for people i can spend time with.
all had their own plans.. all didn't need me around.
this year's christmas was just like last year..
only one things has changed.. i know i spent this cross over with my Heavenly Daddy.
happy birthday Jesus Christ!!
yup.. but all else is the same.. there's nothing nice on tv..
as fantasia's voice was killing me..
i found a song that i can recommend to you..
i wanted to find a web which gave me enough space to host it..
but to no avail.. so i'll just leave the lyrics here for you guys..

christmas is here!!

i can't believe that christmas is here!!
ahhhh.. it was like so far away.. and yet in such a short time.. it's here!!
so exciting!! too bad it doesn't snow in singapore
cos i'd be even more excited.. haha.. im gonna start my present delievery today (: im so proud of myself.. haha
merry christmas eve to all!
i realised i enjoy making colourful marquees!! haha..
but oh well.. if today's green and red? what about tomorrow's?
worry not.. i will find a wayy.. haha.. to make it slightly different k?
this is gonna be suhc an interesting Christmas!!
wheeeeeeeee..... im kinda high.. haha...
okie.. before all of you think im mad..
im gonna try to do something different today..
wear leafy green? haha.. i wanna try looking like a christmas tree (:
haha.. im a happy contented happy girl. have i mentioned happy?

PAINFUL

my knee hurts like crap..
i can't run up the stairs now..
and i can't bend and make it straight as and when i like..
this is making me so miserable =(
and i was trying to do an entry which you will see later on i hope..
but the picture is too big!!
it's horrible!! makes everything look so ugly..
the face where i have to put about 30 faces ended up with only one face
'cos the picture is yeahh. too big?
haha.. im happy that ive managed to get some people to spend christmas with me!
and it's gonna be christmas eve tomorrow (: splended.
i feel so happy.. it's finally here!!
hahha.. but i do hope i get well by tonight
i dun wanna spend my christmas eve sitting down on the chair the whole day 'cos it's painful to move about =(
oh yes.. today is my grandaddy's birthday!!
im so so happy for him.. haha. he's 80 years old alreadyy..
and we were eating some chinese noodles just now..
all the funny stuff that we chinese believe in.. sometimes make me laugh..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH GONG!!
haha.. that was tiring to do.. haha.. yupyup..
im very tired again.. i think i am gonna finish watching hai tun wan so that when jess comes back, i can return it to her!! haha.. im a very nice girl! (:

pieces of my thoughts-

i feel so systematic all of a sudden.. hai.. wad has become of the inorganized and playful sarah?

number one:
after hearing stuff from my friends who went to appeal for acjc.. and no offense to those who are like major "all the way acjc" and those who are there.. i do not stereotype people.. it's just the way i feel about the school.. so many things have passed.. everyone's been telling me over and over that acjc is gonna be a great school for me.. some say they will see me in that uniform after the O level results are out and all.. but acjc being a Christian based school, should also teach the ways a Christian should be.. not being judgemental and all that crap.. just because someone made a mistake and went to the school to appeal in the wrong clothes does not make the person not serious about going to school. does acjc expect them to go in gowns? tuxedoes? i dun think so.. so why make a big hoo-ha out of it just because of a tiny mistake.. and not taking her in? in fact insulting her just because she's appealing through choir? making her sing the school song 5 times? i mean i'd get sick of it you know? and after that saying "that's not how you sing it, don't sing it like a pop song!!" it's not like the school song is really that nice.. and besides.. they should be glad someone is willing to sing it for htem so many times!! i have only one word to describe this school and even some students who are studying there agree with me.. proud. and i feel that one day pride will be their downfall.. good luck acjc. and if i do end up there after first three months.. im not a typical acjc girl. i wont' click well.

number two:
i have been giving some thought into some stuff.. was it a mistake to leave? it wasn't a mistake cos i found [you] but i feel that i hurt someone so badly.. i dun like hurting people.. whether i feel a lot for them.. whether i hate them.. specially if i love them.. like them and what now.. but what am i to do? i cause a lot of pain and all.. should i just leave singapore? leave everything behind and start afresh? ahhhhh.. im very confused now.. but hey!! i know that God will guide me through this. i'll be praying lots about this.. find the right guy for me.. but i know that God made him come back and look for me for a reason.. is he the one that i ask to go to church on Christmas? i dunno.. i need an answer.. first.. i really dunno how to express all these in proper words for this issue so that i won't hurt anyone else in the process. but yeahh.. worry nots.. i am gonna be a very emotionally strong girl.. but i need your HELP yeah? haha.

so many things!!

ilove my blog template!! haha. the music.. ahhh

that was out of point..

firstly:
i think that ive become a lot stronger since everything happened.. i feel like im a much stronger person.. more independent and more open to stuff already? have i become more matured? that i don't know.. but one thing i know.. i relied a lot on God.. i spent most of my bored times talking to Him.. as if he was my friend.. it's really cool.. so ya.. i spent a lot of time finding things to occupy myself.. i have come to an understanding.. that God wants the best for all of us.. so maybe now, this just isn't the right time.. maybe He wants me to have some time alone to get over my past relationships!! yeahh.. God is a good God!! (:

secondly:
i am really excited about going to school next year.. it means new people.. new faces.. new environment and all.. i always tell myself that if i want to survive in jc.. i need to look on the bright side.. and that's in fact what i am doing right now.. i think jc life will help me grow even more.. when i meet different people.. i understand different kinds of stuff.. and it helps me prepare for the life of uni.. so it's really very exciting for me.. not to mention i have a few close friends going there with me.. which makes it even more interesting.. (:

thirdly:
he of 1 year 8 months and 1 day messaged me asking me to get back together.. but it's really impossible now.. we just don't click.. so after some time of talking.. we've decided that we can still be friends.. i think that's how matured people should behave.. just because one relationship is over.. doesn't mean the friendship before that is over.. it's cool now that we're friends again.. i have one friend more.. and maybe, just maybe i can get him saved too.. it's really something that i think i should do.. one reason why i love missions so much.. (:

fourthly:
there are a few concerns that i have which need to be addressed.. i need to talk to some people about being more open with things.. i happen to be talking to an ex-classmate now.. which apparently is going to pjc with me.. she's really uptight about going into jc.. and she seriously needs to do some thinking before she even thinks about going there.. she's prejudice against some people in our school who are going there too.. and she stereotypes others.. i need to talk some sense into her.. it's really gonna be a waste if she's not open to the world.. i mean uni's gonna be worse.. we have people from all walks of life..

that's about all i have to address for now.. oh CRAP! im late.. im meeting my friend at 1.45pm at newton mrt station and i stay how far.. and it's like i haven't changed yet.. and it's already turning 1!! sorrie guys.. i have to go now.. take care ya? iloveyou.

ilovemusic

haha.. a new change of template!! haha.. oh yes..
i changed it because it's i dun wanna say things i dun meann..
haha. "merry" christmas? haha.. i can't say it without lying..
yup.. so yes.. i listened to one song just now..
diana degarmo did a cover version of the song "don't cry out loud" right?
i was just listening to it just now..
and the words were just so so meaningful..
maybe it was just meaningful to me lah..
i felt like it was talking to me.. haha.. so yes.
this part that said..

memories`

im all out of love

God is the world's biggest joker actually..
He makes you feel you find someone whom you can really rely on..
lets you imagine spending the rest of your life with that person..
being able to love the person with all your heart..
and speaks to him telling him it's not gonna work out..
i feel like such an idiot..
a born moron i am.. so stupid..
haii.. there goes my love life.. it's gone..
i won't be loving anyone anytime soon now..
i guess i'll be going to pjc single again..
haha.. oh wells.. maybe wad "he" said was right afterall

RECAP!!

yesterday.. hmmm... i can hardly recall
oh yes.. i was taking a 961 down to ikea to meet him
and i tell you. thats was maybe the worst bus ride i can ever take!!
haha.. first i was sitting next to this fat man.. who like er.. took up 2-thirds of the 2 bus seats..
and there was this two girls who sat opp. me lahx.. haha..
i thought they were like what? finish a levels? but they somewhat looked familiar..
they were talking about all their stupid 6 pointers friends..
and themselves.. saying that they won't wanna ask their friends where they went because they will ask them back..
if i am correct, they probably got 8 points or so?
the girl isn't from mgs.. and isn't affiliated to acjc..
but she can get into acjc science.. but is in vjc arts!! hello??
i am like sitting in from of her getting ready to just hit her on her face..
VJC IS A GOOD SCHOOL!! complain so much..
that's my dream school mann.. haha.. oh wellx..
so ya.. went down to orchard after that and into kino!!
haha.. specially to disturb our lovely bryna!! haha..
then went to eat some dinner that was terribly filling..
and went for cell!! haha.. told mommie it would end by 9..
so i'd be home by 1030pm but it ended at 10 plus..
so was home really late.. and got a black face when i went home..
haha.. slept pretty well last night.. though i was kinda scared..
and oh yes!! im so proud of myself.. i read the book of JAMES!!
haha.. a short one.. but at least i started.. im gonna read genesis today!!
my fav. book after revelations!! the beginning and the end!! (:

a sad sad story that made me tear

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together.I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers."

You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

-Jim Willis

a great day to praise the Lord

one full day of shopping!___

woah!! im dead tired..
been shopping for one entire day..
and maybe took some time off for eating and travelling..
haha.. i have finally finally completed my Christmas Shopping..
for my closer friends that is..
haha.. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!
i think im gonna ask my momma to dig out some money from my own bank account for presents which i haven't bought.. some small stuff for my friends..
hahah.. so maybe then i won't have to owe her money
and i won't have to be consistently reminded by her that i owe her a lot of money!!
haha.. i actually wanna work..
but there's no where i can work for such a short while
i was actually thinking of working and studying for my first three months too..
be a little more independent and stop bugging momma for money!!
haha.. but then again.. i dunno.. i wanna study well..
BUT considering that i am a big spender..
and i like to buy prezzies for people.. i should just get my own money..
haha.. i dunno yet.. im still thinking about it!!
so yes.. im dead tired. one whole day of shopping..
with penny next to me.. helping me choose loads of stuff..

i saw him today again..
sighh.. and i saw that he was really happy.. i guess i should be happy for him too..
but then again.. i felt so cheated..
i mean all the time i spent loving him and the effort and emotions i put in..
i wasted all my effort and all that time on him..
he was happy.. a few days and he was alright.. i feel so stupid..
shite man.. haha.. but im okie.. already i guess. haha..

so sorrie baby if i hurt you in anyway by my stupid behaviour just now.

so ciao.. i am gonna take a break for a little while.. *yawns*

im backkk!!

im back from genting!!
haha.. the rollercoasters there were terrible..
imagine going all the way up and dropping all the way down..
hmm.. then spinning round and round with a stomach full of food..
and rollercoasters that make you scared..
and those that's just a waste of time..
oh i found one that you can eat and read while on it!!
overall.. it was very funnnn..
with my favourite baby cousin running around..
making me carry him everywhere.. sighh..
haha.. now im back with a headache..
it feels like someones inside with a little hammer knocking my brain..
OUCH!!! haha.. but guess what?!
i got 2 letters while i was away.. maybe i should go away more often.
hahah.. i got a lovely letter from dennis all the way from down under!!
and im $150 richer.. though i can't use the money 'cos it in voucher!!
haha.. good progress award.. the last time i got it was like sec 1?
hahah.. i must really work hard.. work hard.. be merry and be RICHER!!
i missed you all!! sniff sniff.. but im back!!
i hope you all missed me like i missed youuuuu!!

my sweet goodbyes

goodbye 1 year 8 months and 1 week.
it's been a long time.. a lot of memories..
and leaving was somewhat difficult..
but you've hurt me so much..
put all the blame on me..
make me love you and not get loved in return..
i do not regret all these..
regretting anything will just make things worse..
a lesson was learnt.. a lot of memories will be kept.
030403, a date that will always be close to my heart.
first time i actually feel in love..
thank you for the painful/hurtful/wonderful memories.

untitled

i am >> annoying - bitchy - possessive - stupid - unfeeling - cruel - spoilt - childish - unlovable - quick tempered - hot tempered - immatured - spiritually weak - emotionally weak - self centred - a burden - out of love.

you are >> sweet - kind - patient - lovable - intelligent - friendly - warm - caring - helpful - loving - emotionally strong - spiritually strong - matured - always there.

we are >> so different in terms of personality.

for what's everything's worth.. i'll always be your best friend who's female.
always be by your side to help you when you fall. always loving you.

im getting more stupid each day

i was just watching the jay chou's qing tian mv..
and guess what.. i actually cried.. i dunno why i did..
but i just started crying.. haha.. i think im getting more stupid as the days go by..

it's just some thoughts that were probably stuck in my head..
never came out but then when i saw it..
it all came back? haha.. im silly..

loooove?

unstable mind!

been doing really nothing much lately..
sleeping late.. waking up pretty late..
going shopping with my mommie after that.. it's been quite boring lately..
haha.. i guess im sick of shopping..
sick of orchard road i guess..
im going off again this saturday all the way until tuesday again..
im actually quite tired of travelling..
everything isn't settled yet..
but then again ive given myself a max of 3 weeks!!
i will TRY to settle everything by then..
i hope this timing is alrightt..
yup.. there's nothing else.. im really very tired..
so yes.. goodnite..
by the way..

happy birthday louisa!!

confusion___ reality struck

it's been 1 year 8 months and 1 day since everything started..
was the feeling i had so long ago still there?
has this caused so much hurt and pain that i don't want to know anymore?
i only wished i knew..
i pray everytime i think of this.. every night about it.
i just don't understand what's right and what's wrong anymore.
i think i need a break from all these but i really don't know..
am i really happy? what is happiness anyway..
is this really motivated by true love?
im really weak now.. spiritually and emotionally.
(still physically alright though)
is the reason why i no longer cry because im immune to the pain of hurt?
or have i really become stonger?
or could it be that i really don't feel so much?
have i actually given up without knowing it?
haii.. i dunno.. strange feeling this is..
i guess i'll continue to pray about it..
eventually the answer will come straight to me..

shopping__badminton__themovies

i intend to start my post before 12 midnight so the date will be right.
and yes i made it just in time!!
haha.. today it was a rather fruitful day of shopping!!
haha.. we succeeded in getting penny to buy a pleated skirt..
relatively short!! haha. to think she was looking for knee length
i bet she had it all planned..
and i realised something.. me compared to penny is like comparing an elephant to a chick.
haha.. we tried on this zara skirt.. and she took size 36 (the smallest on the rack)
and i took 40 (second largest on the rack!!)
and mine fit perfectly well, BUT a size 36 on penny was dropping off!!
i feel miserable! sighh.. oh wellz.. so yes.. penny got her skirt..
and i got my dress.. haha.. congratulate me world!!
my first semi-casual dress everrrrr!!
haha.. yup.. and then again.. i realised something..
im not proportionate.. i need to do something about it..
yes i have to.. i dunno how to cure that problem.. but i am going to!
so mr coward and i left penny in orchard to look for her mommie
while we took a cabbie to woodlands for badminton!!
that was after getting really lime-ish coloured slippers for joy..
haha.. man i sucked.. it was embarrassing.. haha.. tinklebell and her soft hits. haix..
i don't wanna play with her.. make me lose face only! haha..
yup.. so went home and ate loads for dinner..
and like er.. went to watch the polar express..
i still thing no animation this year can beat THE INCREDIBLES!!
haha.. but it wasn't too bad.. in fact it was pretty goood..
okie lahx.. im sleepy!! such a long day..
so tata... goodnite sweet dreams.. bahhhh

idol fever has subsided

Which flock do you follow?
this quiz was made by alanna

haha i just happen to find that site.. so i went to play a little haha..

last night was the grand finale for Singapore idol..
overall.. i really thought they both did pretty well..
taufik had this good points and so did sylvester..
honestly, i thought sylvester's "it's my life" was funny and amusing..
his "an jing" was pretty good.. and "i dream" I LOVED IT!!
for taufik.. i just didn't like his songs.. i don't like that "superstition"
and neither did i like "me and mrs jones" but i have to admit he was a really good performer..
and besides.. i really think that sylvester's "i dream" was better..
it's just like the american idol season 3..
i thought diana sounded so much better than fantasia for "i believe"
BUT fantasia got to release it instead..
haha.. today on the radio.. so many songs were being played..
i heard taufik's first single play over and over so many times on different stations
and i heard the "that's what friends are for" by the 11 idol finalist!
it's actually a pretty nice version of that song.. haha..
not that taufik batisah has been crowned our first singapore idol..
no more arguing who is better already lahx.. it doesn't matter
both of them are going to get recording contracts anyway..
yup.. so ciao.. sarah was bored.. so started talking rubbish!

shopping___

went shopping with my mommie todayy.. went to mango and saw this really nice bag.. but mommie said "i'll buy you a nicer one next time" bleaghh.. then we went to marche to have lunchie.. and i realised something.. im everywhere!! haha.. on each and every table.. there's this cow.. and it says moo! moo! hahah.. im famous!! (yeah rite) yup.. ate till i was really full and then after which went to zara and looked around.. went to guess.. and looked around.. the esprit was too far.. so i can't be bothered.. walked around taka.. looked at the bags.. and dresses and all.. saw some nice dresses for Christmas BUT they looked very formal and i don't think i'd wear them at all.. but they were really pretty.. spent a lot of time watching around doing window shopping.. and saw really weird clothes and some really nice ones.. some of which the prices would shock you!!

sarah low
ex-mgs-pjc
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